incident at the border - 35. "i say we go ahead"

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part thirty-five of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

the motor was running in the car outside in the street in front of ernestine’s apartment. there was no sign of the doorman, ernestine noted. the big man, bootsie, got in beside the driver. the little man, raffy, got in the back seat and moved over behind the driver. jeremy indicated to ernestine that she should get in next, and then he followed her and closed the door and the car sped off immediately, powerfully and smoothly. the back seat was quite wide, and at least ernestine was not crushed between raffy and jeremy. the car sailed through the dark streets. nobody spoke until they were out of the city limits. “well, this is exciting,” jeremy spoke at last. “i assume we are still going through with it, just a little ahead of schedule.” “going through with it!” bootsie exclaimed. “are you stark raving mad? no - you’re joking, of course. this is no time for your jokes, jem.” “but i am serious, boots. what have we to lose, eh? old bill will never expect us to pull to off now. instead of moving fast, they are probably taking their time and getting up enough troops to invade a planet. i say i phone staff, tell him it’s a go, but be on the alert, we might be there earlier than expected.” “what say, you, raff?” boots looked over his shoulder and asked the little man. “don’t ask me, boots, I’m just a foot soldier. whatever you gents decide, that’s all right with me.” “and you, daff?” boots asked the driver. daff? thought ernestine. short for daffy? what a crew! the driver answered in a woman’s voice, an almost cultured voice. “i like jem’s idea. i say we go for it. i will have to put the pedal to the metal though , we can’t be worried about speed limits and such.” “right ho!” jeremy replied to the driver’s speech. “you always were a trump, daphne.” “all right then, jem,” said bootsie. “i tell you what - we will do it your way. but if it goes wrong, before bill gets the chance to put the metal on us, i will strangle you with my own hands. how does that suit you?” “well enough,” jeremy answered. “i could not ask fairer than that. now let me call staffy.” he took his phone out of his pocket. * so far , so good, thought mr stafford, as he closed the door behind him. he went over and sat on the little settee in the room and took out his phone to check the time. jem or raffy should be calling any minute. the phone rang in his hand. right on schedule. everything must be going right, he thought. 36. lost

incident at the border - 34. dinner for twelve

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part thirty-four of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

“you miserable gutless wretch,” mrs stafford hissed at mr stafford. “this is positively the last indignity i suffer at your weak hands. when we leave here we go our separate ways, and this time i mean it.” “darling, the problem is not that i don’t have guts, but that i do, ” mr stafford replied, lying on the sofa of their suite, with a towel over his eyes. “surely you don’t want me to do something on mrs foster’s clean white tablecloth, that she probably pays more to launder than we can hope to scratch up I’m a year.” “yes, and we will go on scratching year after year, if you can’t play up and play the game just when the fighting is hottest. after all the work and scheming i put into getting this invitation - i don’t know what to say. except that you disgust me.” “i can disgust you, darling,” mr staffed replied. “but nobody else seems to be paying the least bit of attention to us, no matter how much work you put into getting the invitation.” “no, because you won’’t make any effort to get their attention. how are lord chandler and the other guests to notice you if you stay in bed with a rag over your face?” mr stafford sighed, but did not respond further. “i am going downstairs now,” mrs stafford announced. “i give you one last chance to play the man.” “enjoy your dinner.” “very well, then.” mrs stafford left the room. she stood outside the door for about half a minute, but there were no sounds from within from mr stafford. nor did anyone else appear in the corridor. she headed for the wide staircase, and as she did so, the frown vanished from her face and was replaced by a satisfied smile. * mr stafford waited for two minutes after mrs stafford closed the door behind her, then got up, and opened the door to make sure she was not lurking outside. he saw. on the other side of the great staircase, another of the guests - what was her name, daisy something? - approaching the head of the stairs, but barely glanced at her and went back into the room and closed the door behind him. * the dinner proceeded with the smoothness only possible when neither the host nor any of the guests cared whether it did or not. to mrs foster it was just another dinner to host for her long time friend lord chandler. lord chandler and mr mahmoud had weighty affairs of state - if not the fate of civilization - on their plate, and were happy to be free of them for a couple of hours, no matter how bland or boring the conversation. m chan, mr mahmoud’s assistant, also had affairs of state on his mind, albeit at one remove, but was in fact quite hungry and looking forward to feeding himself. the duke of dent also had something on his mind - the damned awkward business of his trip to the kingdom of s…………… what a bother! mrs stafford was in a good mood, feeling she had achieved her purpose in getting invited to the dinner - getting well rid of mr stafford, and much more easily than she had hoped. joe and mary did not know what to expect, and were more than happy just to be getting fed. to angeline and mlle feval, it was just another night. and the two remaining guests, the ubiquitous mrs cream and the slightly mysterious darcy filbertson, were just happy to be there. 35. "i say we go ahead"

incident at the border - 33. the double

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part thirty-three of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

lord chandler realized there was no use remonstrating with the young duke, however much he felt exasperated with him. he maintained his usual urbane tone, as he described the conversation he had had with mr mahmoud. “it seems, david,” his lordship casually intoned, “that some concession must be made to the sensibilities of the offended kingdom. and the easiest concession, and the one most distinctly seen as a concession, is that you should return to the kingdom to face trial for the terrible offense of defiling their time honored custom.” the duke blinked perplexedly. “but - explain to me, again, uncle, what is to be gained? according to you, war is to be declared in any case! it is only a matter of days.” “that is true, david. your grasp of the situation is admirable, and bodes well for your future in diplomacy. but, you must also be aware that in situations like this, when armies must be massed on borders and fleets sent forth on the seas, days, even hours are crucial.” his lordship smiled. “after all, it is not as if you are likely to actually be shot, or hanged, even if you are found guilty. after the formalities have been observed, and war declared, the usual channels, aboveground and not so aboveground, will open up, and with some judicious negotiations, whose lubrication i am willing to personally guarantee, you should return safe and sound, with some excellent material for your memoirs.” “but - hang it all, uncle, it is easy for you to say that it is not likely that i shall be shot or hanged - but, oh dear, what a bother! what a bore!” lord chandler shrugged. “it is the chance we shall have to take. fortune of war, and so forth. unless you have some other idea?” “but - yes. yes, i do. an idea, by george, that just popped into my head.” with the faintest of smiles, lord chandler replied, “and what might that be?” “well, you know how in novels and plays chaps who are doubles of some other chap are always playing the part of the first chap so that he can be in two places in once, or go in a secret mission or something?” “actually i do not quite know, but go on.” “suppose i found a fellow who looked just like me - could we not send him to the kingdom of s ————— in my place? if he agreed to do it for a reasonable price, or - or just for the spirit of the thing? would that not be capital?” lord chandler could not help laughing. “and are you prepared to put your hand on such a fellow - on such short notice?” “as a matter of fact, i can. he fell from the heavens just a few hours ago, when wallace went out looking for someone to make up tonight’s party. the fellow could be my twin. it must be fate. you will see him at dinner, and i am sure you will agree.” “very well, david, i will take a look at this heaven-sent personage.” his lordship smiled tolerantly. “but i think it might still be best if you prepared yourself mentally for a return to the kingdom of s—————. 34. dinner for twelve

incident at the border - 32. an unfamiliar theme

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part thirty-two of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

“well, i must admit your new friend behaved quite foolishly, but i do not see why any great fuss should be made about it, “ angeline observed after the duke finished his tale. “international incident indeed! or why you should be held accountable, as you seem to have done what you could to stop him.” “at least by your own account,” mademoiselle feval added dryly. joe and mary had listened politely to the duke’s story, without commenting or interrupting. joe had had trouble making any sense of it, but mary observed, “and what of ms carlotta bligh? is she being blamed or implicated in this episode? as according to your account, she was accompanying you? i must admit i am particularly curious, as i have always been an ardent admirer of that intrepid personage.” “miss bligh disappeared after the incident,” the duke replied. “neither gregor nor myself, when detained and questioned by the authorities, fell it incumbent on us to mention her presence.” “that was gallant of you,” angeline observed, but before she could expand or the theme, or the duke reply, the little party was interrupted by the arrival of peters, lord chandler’s manservant.. “lord chandler requests your presence, your grace,” peters addressed the duke. “he asked me to tell you it was most urgent,” with a sigh, the duke rose, made his apologies, and followed peters out of the room. to joe’s and mary’s eyes, neither angeline nor mademoiselle feval seemed to place any great import on the urgency of lord chandler’s summons. “tell me, ms brown,” angeline asked, “who is this carlotta bligh person whom you describe yourself as an ardent admirer of? the name seems to ring a distant bell.” “she was - and apparently still is - a foreign correspondent, traveling over the globes and galaxies in hopes of getting the real stories behind developing stories.” “i see.” angeline replied in a tone that plainly said that she did not see at all. “but what exactly is a story if it is not itself? and in any case any story is available to anyone who cares to take the time to interest themselves in it.” “and,” added mademoiselle feval, “in any case there are millions of new stories every day, washing away the ones of the previous day. so who needs some so-called foreign correspondent to tell them what to look at? of course,” she added in a gentler tone to mary, “if ms bligh was some sort of childhood heroine to you, that is another matter, and quite understandable.” “although, “ angeline addressed mary, “i must say you seem a bit young to remember the heyday of such an old trouper as carlotta bligh.” “my mother was an enthusiastic admirer of carlotta bligh,” mary replied. “not only in her capacity as a foreign correspondent, but as one of the last of the great feminists.” “ a feminist!” exclaimed mademoiselle feval. “why it is ages since i heard the term.” “but what is a feminist?” asked angeline. “is it some some of person? i thought is was some sort of jewel, or maybe a flower or a fruit.” “oh no,” mademoiselle feval laughed. “they were people all right. very - very - very forceful people, many of them. very much inclined to put themselves forward.” “and still are,” mary added, perhaps a shade too loudly for polite conversation, “i, myself, am a feminist!” “you do not say so!” exclaimed mademoiselle feval. “how droll! why, this is wonderful! when you mentioned starting a new religion i must admit i rolled my third eye a bit, but a feminist! well, this will provide a wonderful topic of conversation at dinner, if you do not mind expounding on the theme to mr mahmoud and our other guests, who often find themselves at a loss for a fresh or unfamiliar theme.” “i do not mind in the least , “ mary answered. “i should be happy to expound, as you put it, on the subject, if that is your desire.” “then it is settled. how fortunate we were to find you, ms brown. i now look forward to dinner, which i must confess i had been mildly dreading.” “mary smiled. “it will be my pleasure.” joe had no idea what they were talking about, and kept his own counsel, as usual. 33. the double

incident at the border - 31. damages

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part thirty-one of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

“so there you have it,” mr mahmoud finished his tale. “in addition to the damage caused, the two young rascals seriously impugned the honor of the ancient kingdom of s…………., which, obscure aa it may be, is nonetheless a member, indeed a founding member of the alliance i have the honor to be the spokesperson for.” lord chandler sighed. “and these damages that you refer to, what exactly do they amount to, in pounds and drachmas?” mr mahmoud waved his hand . “they are nothing. they are of no account. it is the honor of one of the members of our alliance that is of concern.” “of course. still, if you could be so kind as to write the amount of the damages on a slip of paper, i will write a cheque for it, payable by my government and made out to bearer. i trust you can put it in the right hands.” “i would be honored.” “that part is settled, then. now, what else does the kingdom of s………. desire, to satisfy its honor?’ “it wants the two miscreants returned to face public trial.” “i see. well, i may be a bit prejudiced, but i know that my nephew, the young duke of d——, is what you might call a languid young man, not at all demonstrative or given to violent expressions - of - much of anything. as a duke, hardly less than as a member of royalty, he has been trained in the art of graciousness. i venture to say it was much more likely that the other young chap involved - and i am not sure exactly who or what he was - was the true culprit. of course, a full investigation should be made.” lord chandler cleared his throat. “perhaps a special commission, that sort of thing.” mr mahmoud laughed gently. “i think the time or special commissions has passed, my lord. also, if i may say so, think putting the blame on the other young man will not be much to the purpose.” “and why not?” lord chandler replied with a bare hint of annoyance. “who is he, anyway? and what nation is he from?” “that is the problem. he belongs to no nation. he is the nephew and heir of mr n——————, the chief stockholder of the nautilus conglomerate. not exactly untouchable, but close enough. and of course the nautilus conglomerate is hardly known to the peasantry and inspires neither awe nor loathing. ” “oh, dear,” agreed lord chandler. “i see what you mean.” “and there is another factor,” mr mahmoud continued, with a gleam in his eye. “the oldest factor of all.” “oh?” “a woman!” “a woman? my nephew did not mention a young woman.” “not a young woman. but a woman you may have heard of , or remember - none other than carlotta bligh.” “carlotta bligh!” lord chandler exclaimed. “i thought the world had been well rid of carlotta bligh years ago.” “apparently not. she is probably preparing her version of events even as we speak. at the very least, she will surely make it impossible to make the whole incident disappear.” lord chandler sighed. “i think i need to talk to my nephew again. when i have finished with him, we can resume this conversation. is that agreeable to you?” mr mahmoud smiled. “of course.” “perhaps we can meet again over breakfast.” “i would prefer, my lord, to come to an understanding tonight.” “very well. as you wish.” 32. an unfamiliar theme

incident at the border - 30. king and queen

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part thirty of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

a young man and a young woman of the town had just been elected, or acclaimed, as the king and queen of the festival, and they were standing above the crowd on some kind of platform. gregor and the young duke of dent, who had advised gregor to address him familiarly as david, wandered through the milling crowd toward the platform. though most of the crowd were in their colorful native costumes, no one seemed to take any particular notice of gregor and david in their plain traveling gear. gregor noticed a young woman in the crowd, apparently alone, who was dressed in casual traveling clothes, not in costume. he steered his way toward her with david in tow. “hullo there,” gregor addressed the young woman in the familiar way he had with everyone, “i say, do you know what this is all about?” seen up close, the woman was not quite as young as gregor and david had first thought. they noticed that she had a little notebook in one hand and a pencil in the other. she looked at gregor as if barely registering his existence. “it is a ceremony, “ she said, “an annual ceremony on the anniversary of great event in the history of the town.” “and what might that great event have been?” gregor asked with a smile. “a prince carried away a village maid and this started a great war which resulted in the village being free from tyranny forever,” the woman told gregor. “ the prince became a king and the maid became his queen.” “that sounds jolly,” gregor agreed. “not quite so jolly as all that. for you see, the story did not end there. for when the war was over and the people had been freed, both the king snd queen grew bored and distracted after the tumultuous events which had transformed the world of its time. the king spent more and more time with his mighty men, hunting stags in the deep wood , and banging tankards on the tables in every high and low inn in the kingdom. the queen for her part became quite friendly with a young page at the court, a nephew of one of the kings dethroned in the great war. well, you can guess what happened next.” “the king caught the queen and the page boy and killed one or both of them to redeem his honor,” gregor replied, “because those were the good old days.” “close, but not exactly. the king did indeed run his good sword through the bodies of both lovers, but when he did the queen turned into a red bird and flew away to the east and the page turned into a green bird and flew away to the west . legend has it that one day the two birds will return and when they do a volcano will erupt beneath the kingdom and destroy it.” “oh dear,” laughed gregor ,”that does not sound promising at all.” “so what is the point of the ceremony?” the young duke asked the woman with the notebook. “every year the murder of the queen by the king is reenacted, and supposedly this keeps the birds from returning for another year.” “you do not mean to say,” cried the duke, “that a young woman is actually killed in this ceremony! how dreadful!” gregor and the woman both laughed at the young man’s outburst. “no, of course not,” the woman assured him. “it is only a little play, a charade, that lasts hardly ten minutes, the duke blushed. “no, of course not, what was i thinking? but, tell me, how seriously do you think these villagers take all this.” “how seriously does anyone take anything these days? after all, these villagers are just inhabitants of the modern world like everyone else, hearing the same news and watching the same shows as everyone else. once a year they dress up for this, for the rest of the year they probably never hear or speak a harsh word but just go about their business.” “yes,” sighed gregor. “this modern world can not be accused of skimping on dreariness. but look here, are you some kind of journalist? i could not help noticing the little notebook you are flourishing.” “i am indeed,” the woman replied. “i am carlotta bligh, of the international news service, at your service.” “carlotta bligh!” exclaimed gregor. “why of course! we should have recognized you, shouldn’t we have, old boy? what a great honor!” “you probably thought i was dead,” carlotta replied with a smile. “my fame, like that of most of my colleagues on the international beat, is not what it was.” “nonsense! you are as famous as ever,” gregor cried gallantly. “the fault is all ours, for not recognizing you.” gregor and the duke proceeded to properly introduce themselves, as the trio continued to approach the stage in the middle of the square. 31. damages

incident at the border - 29. on the run

by nick nelson

illustrated by konrad kraus and roy dismas

part twenty-nine of forty

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

ernestine got up from the sofa. as she did, the doorbell rang. whoever can that be, she wondered. she walked slowly over to the door and looked through the peephole. she saw a little man wearing an overcoat two sizes too large for him, sort of weaselly looking but not very threatening. how did this creature get in here, she wondered, i will have to berate the management. or maybe not, what a bore. she opened the door suddenly. “i believe you have the wrong door,” she told the little weaselly man. “you have no business with anybody here.” ”is jemmy here?” the little man asked, in no way abashed by ernestine’s forceful declaration. “jemmy is most assuredly not here,” ernestine replied with a smile. “jemmy, are you in there?” the little man called. jeremy appeared behind ernestne. “what is it, raffy?” he asked. “it must be serious, for you to come here. i hope it is.” “oh, it is serious, jem. hobie has spilled the beans to gumm, and it’s all up. gumm is probably right behind me, so we have to make tracks fast.” “good heavens, what is all this?” exclaimed ernestine. “jeremy, do you mean to tell me you know this person?” “yes, i am afraid i do, my dear.” “but - i don’t understood. you are a respected member of the opposition party. and this little fellow is - “ “come, my dear,” jeremy laughed. “don’t play the innocent. i have a secret life, like most human beings, as i am sure you do yourself. i just happen to have got caught, that’s all. now if you will excuse me .” jeremy turned back to the title man he had addressed as “raffy”. “i assume you have a car outside.” but another voice interrupted him “not so fast, jem.” a man appeared behind raffy, a hulking bearlike brute with a small head, a wide hat, and a scowl on his round features. “oh there you are, bootsie,” jeremy drawled. “hold on, i will be right with you, as soon as i get my coat.” “never mind that gammon, jem. what about her?” he gestured with his thumb at ernestine. “oh, you don’t have to worry about ernie, she won’t peach. will you, my dear?” “i am not sure what i would ‘peach’ about” ernestine answered. “she will have to come with us,” bootsie announced. jeremy shrugged. “she night be in the way.” “i will be the judge of that,” bootsie answered. “well,” jeremy laughed pleasantly, “it looks like we have a standoff.” “majority rules,” bootsie countered. " we will let raffy decide. what say you, raffy? shall we take her or leave her?” raffy took his time answering, looking ernestine up and down. “she’s a right foxy-looking bird, though a bit long in the tooth. i say we take her.” jeremy sighed. “let us get our coats, my dear,” he told ernestine. “but -“ “come, come, it has been decided. you might enjoy it. you have always said you wished for more excitement in your life.” 30. king and queen