a preacher don't steal - 32. the teachings of yancey

by nick nelson

part thirty-two of 32

nobody knows everything but everybody knows something maybe maybe nobody knows anything and even if they know it maybe it is true one day and not the next who knows? if you have to listen to something, listen to the rain the end

a preacher don't steal - 31. the teachings of al-garibaldi

by nick nelson

part thirty-one of 32

the world is a tree a tree at the end of the road with the sun trying to rise behind it a tree with a million branches a million twisted branches wrong branches twisting around the right branches before the tree can grow and the sun come up behind it the wrong branches must be cut off and cut out so that the good branches can grow on the earth there are many beasts noble beasts like lions and tigers and elephants and gorillas and ignoble beasts like humans and monkeys and hyenas and termites and slugs who leave a trail of wrong behind them before the tree can grow and the sun come up and the rain fall on the desert and the rivers flow down the mountain every wrong must be righted every single wrong must be righted

a preacher don't steal - 30. the teachings of reverend selim

by nick nelson

part thirty of 32

the mountain sees everything. the mountain remembers everything. slowly, the rain washes the mountain away. the river flows to the sea. the river remembers nothing. but the river flows forever. the bird flies over the mountain. the bird does not wish to be the mountain. the bird wishes to be the river. flowing forever. and remembering nothing. the man walks along the river. and sees the mountain in the distance. it is difficult to climb the mountain. which is crumbling under your feet even as you climb it. and easy to walk along the river. which flows forever. to the deep blue sea. the deep blue sea filled with monsters.

a preacher don't steal - 29. the teachings of reverend jake

by nick nelson

part twenty-nine of 32

a hand has five fingers. the first points to what it wants. the second points to what it wants but is going away. the third points to the bird taking it away. the fourth points to the sky in which the bird has disappeared. the fifth closes the hand in a fist, and shakes it at the clouds. there are six angels. the first angel is a bird and flies away. the second angel is a fist, shaking at the bird who has flown away. the third angel is the sky in which the bird has disappeared. the fourth angel is a rock, sitting in the grass. the fifth angel is the grass in which the rock sits. the sixth angel is a snake in the grass, slowly approaching the rock. someday the seventh angel will appear, and make itself known. those who have prepared will be prepared, and those who have not prepared will not be prepared.

a preacher don't steal - 28. the mountain

by nick nelson

part twenty-eight of 32

yancey and mona had a dog named manfred, and they also had a cat named cosmic. although he was not that old, cosmic liked to sleep a lot, even more than most cats. his favorite spot was on a table in the bedroom. the table was located under a small window which had a good view of the mountain. whenever cosmic woke up, he had a good look at the mountain. the mountain, which did not sleep, had a good look at cosmic.

a preacher don't steal - 27. the stranger

by nick nelson

part twenty-seven of 32

yancey was always on the alert whenever a stranger came into the store. even though he told himself that the past was the past and that he should move on, his first thought when a stranger walked in was that the stranger could be a) kingfish or b) detective bud rogers, who had worked so hard to convict him of yolanda’s murder. yancey had a good memory of what bud rogers looked like, from the time in court of kingfish, he did not have so clear a memory. if a woman came in who was a stranger, he wondered if she might be detectve lila livingston, who had arrested him, and assisted bud rogers to convict him. the man who came in on this particular night was much taller and leaner than bud rogers. might he be kingfish? at firsr glance, he looked a little too old. the man took a can of dr pepper out of the drink cabinet and a bag of extra spicy corn chips off the chip rack and came over to the counter. he gave no sign of recognizing yancey, he did take notice of the little statue of the soldier. you collect these? he asked yancey. yancey had been asked that a few times before. no, he said, i just happened to pick this one up. mind if i look at it? the stranger asked. can i touch it, pick it up? go right ahead. the man picked the little soldier up and examined it. pretty accurate, he announced. very accurate, as a matter of fact. the uniform of a grenadier in burkstein’s mercenary army, in the third imperial war. wow, yancey exclaimed softly. you must know a lot, if you know that. everybody knows something, the stranger replied. he put the little soldier back down on the counter. yancey rang up the dr pepper and the chips, and the man left. yancey noticed that william had left also.

a preacher don't steal - 26. the joke

by nick nelson

part twenty-six of 32

a kumquat, a lampshade, and a barracuda were hitchhiking to hollywood. it started to rain, and they came to an old dark house. they went up and knocked on the door. a farmer answered. mister farmer, said the kumquat, it is cold and rainy out here, and no one seems willing to pick us up and drive us to hollywood, so will you give us shelter for the night? yes, the farmer replied, on one condition. and what might that be? the kumquat replied. i have a daughter, and she can not sing to save her life, so if you would give her some singing lessons, you are welcome to stay the night. that sounds good, said the kumquat, and the kumquat, the lampshade, and the barracuda entered the old dark house. the farmer escorted the kumquat to the daughter’s room, and the lampshade and the barracuda were left in the parlor, where they were soon joined by the farmer’s second daughter, who was carrying some needles and yarn, and a half finished sweater. i have been knitting this sweater for forty years, the farmer’s second daughter said, but i am not making much progress. do you think you could help me out? i will try, said the barracuda. just then the sound of a terrible crash, audible over the wind and rain, came from outside. the door opened, and the farmer’s third daughter entered. i just crashed the rolls royce into the old elm tree, the farmer’s third daughter said. i could really use some driving lessons. i am at your service, the lampshade said. just then a more terrible sound rent the air, from down the hall where the kumquat was giving the farmer’s first daughter singing lessons. you know, william, yancey interrupted at this point, i think this joke needs some work. or maybe you aren’t getting it quite right. maybe you should go back to whoever told it to you, and work out the kinks. william started to reply, but just then the door of the store opened and a stranger appeared.