a preacher don't steal - 32. the teachings of yancey

by nick nelson

part thirty-two of 32

nobody knows everything but everybody knows something maybe maybe nobody knows anything and even if they know it maybe it is true one day and not the next who knows? if you have to listen to something, listen to the rain the end

a preacher don't steal - 31. the teachings of al-garibaldi

by nick nelson

part thirty-one of 32

the world is a tree a tree at the end of the road with the sun trying to rise behind it a tree with a million branches a million twisted branches wrong branches twisting around the right branches before the tree can grow and the sun come up behind it the wrong branches must be cut off and cut out so that the good branches can grow on the earth there are many beasts noble beasts like lions and tigers and elephants and gorillas and ignoble beasts like humans and monkeys and hyenas and termites and slugs who leave a trail of wrong behind them before the tree can grow and the sun come up and the rain fall on the desert and the rivers flow down the mountain every wrong must be righted every single wrong must be righted

a preacher don't steal - 30. the teachings of reverend selim

by nick nelson

part thirty of 32

the mountain sees everything. the mountain remembers everything. slowly, the rain washes the mountain away. the river flows to the sea. the river remembers nothing. but the river flows forever. the bird flies over the mountain. the bird does not wish to be the mountain. the bird wishes to be the river. flowing forever. and remembering nothing. the man walks along the river. and sees the mountain in the distance. it is difficult to climb the mountain. which is crumbling under your feet even as you climb it. and easy to walk along the river. which flows forever. to the deep blue sea. the deep blue sea filled with monsters.

a preacher don't steal - 29. the teachings of reverend jake

by nick nelson

part twenty-nine of 32

a hand has five fingers. the first points to what it wants. the second points to what it wants but is going away. the third points to the bird taking it away. the fourth points to the sky in which the bird has disappeared. the fifth closes the hand in a fist, and shakes it at the clouds. there are six angels. the first angel is a bird and flies away. the second angel is a fist, shaking at the bird who has flown away. the third angel is the sky in which the bird has disappeared. the fourth angel is a rock, sitting in the grass. the fifth angel is the grass in which the rock sits. the sixth angel is a snake in the grass, slowly approaching the rock. someday the seventh angel will appear, and make itself known. those who have prepared will be prepared, and those who have not prepared will not be prepared.

a preacher don't steal - 28. the mountain

by nick nelson

part twenty-eight of 32

yancey and mona had a dog named manfred, and they also had a cat named cosmic. although he was not that old, cosmic liked to sleep a lot, even more than most cats. his favorite spot was on a table in the bedroom. the table was located under a small window which had a good view of the mountain. whenever cosmic woke up, he had a good look at the mountain. the mountain, which did not sleep, had a good look at cosmic.

a preacher don't steal - 27. the stranger

by nick nelson

part twenty-seven of 32

yancey was always on the alert whenever a stranger came into the store. even though he told himself that the past was the past and that he should move on, his first thought when a stranger walked in was that the stranger could be a) kingfish or b) detective bud rogers, who had worked so hard to convict him of yolanda’s murder. yancey had a good memory of what bud rogers looked like, from the time in court of kingfish, he did not have so clear a memory. if a woman came in who was a stranger, he wondered if she might be detectve lila livingston, who had arrested him, and assisted bud rogers to convict him. the man who came in on this particular night was much taller and leaner than bud rogers. might he be kingfish? at firsr glance, he looked a little too old. the man took a can of dr pepper out of the drink cabinet and a bag of extra spicy corn chips off the chip rack and came over to the counter. he gave no sign of recognizing yancey, he did take notice of the little statue of the soldier. you collect these? he asked yancey. yancey had been asked that a few times before. no, he said, i just happened to pick this one up. mind if i look at it? the stranger asked. can i touch it, pick it up? go right ahead. the man picked the little soldier up and examined it. pretty accurate, he announced. very accurate, as a matter of fact. the uniform of a grenadier in burkstein’s mercenary army, in the third imperial war. wow, yancey exclaimed softly. you must know a lot, if you know that. everybody knows something, the stranger replied. he put the little soldier back down on the counter. yancey rang up the dr pepper and the chips, and the man left. yancey noticed that william had left also.

a preacher don't steal - 26. the joke

by nick nelson

part twenty-six of 32

a kumquat, a lampshade, and a barracuda were hitchhiking to hollywood. it started to rain, and they came to an old dark house. they went up and knocked on the door. a farmer answered. mister farmer, said the kumquat, it is cold and rainy out here, and no one seems willing to pick us up and drive us to hollywood, so will you give us shelter for the night? yes, the farmer replied, on one condition. and what might that be? the kumquat replied. i have a daughter, and she can not sing to save her life, so if you would give her some singing lessons, you are welcome to stay the night. that sounds good, said the kumquat, and the kumquat, the lampshade, and the barracuda entered the old dark house. the farmer escorted the kumquat to the daughter’s room, and the lampshade and the barracuda were left in the parlor, where they were soon joined by the farmer’s second daughter, who was carrying some needles and yarn, and a half finished sweater. i have been knitting this sweater for forty years, the farmer’s second daughter said, but i am not making much progress. do you think you could help me out? i will try, said the barracuda. just then the sound of a terrible crash, audible over the wind and rain, came from outside. the door opened, and the farmer’s third daughter entered. i just crashed the rolls royce into the old elm tree, the farmer’s third daughter said. i could really use some driving lessons. i am at your service, the lampshade said. just then a more terrible sound rent the air, from down the hall where the kumquat was giving the farmer’s first daughter singing lessons. you know, william, yancey interrupted at this point, i think this joke needs some work. or maybe you aren’t getting it quite right. maybe you should go back to whoever told it to you, and work out the kinks. william started to reply, but just then the door of the store opened and a stranger appeared.

a preacher don't steal - 25. nikki

by nick nelson

part twenty-five of 32

nikki was oliver’s daughter. she was sixteen years old, a student, and spent much of her time studying to take the exam to be admitted to the university of barcelona, where she hoped to earn a degree in archeology and become a practicing archaeologist. william was obsessed with nikki, on and off. nikki had no time for males her own age, and of course had no time for william. william had spent his whole life on the street and was an old man, though only a few calendar years older than nikki. oliver did not take william seriously, and advised nikki not to do so either. he gives up easy, oliver assured nikki, and forgets all about you half the time. a real stalker never gives up - that is what makes them a stalker. sometimes, usually late at night, nikki would wander over to the store where yancey and mona worked. nikki thought yancey was old and boring, but would chat sometimes with mona if she was around. nikki deveioped a friendship with zorina, who was a year older than herself, and had been a panhandler all her life. william sometimes made feeble attempts to get zorina to intercede on his behalf with nikki. hey, zorina. zorina, with her can of cold mountain dew in her hand, could not avoid william. hey, zorina. what can i do for you, william? if you see nikki, around, tell her i got a good joke for her. i’ll be sure to do that, if i see her. she’ll like it, it’s a good one. zorina paid for the mountain dew and made her escape. william did not try to follow her. he turned his attention back to yancey. you want to hear my joke? sure, if it’s a good one.

a preacher don't steal - 24. william

by nick nelson

part twenty-four of 32

william had a way of coming into the store, and launching into a conversation as if he were resuming one that had been interrupted a few minutes before, even though the listener, yancey or anyone else, had no idea what he was talking about. yancey usually found this amusing, or at least not annoying. he had known people in prison with a similar manner. once, around three in the morning, when the store was empty except for yancey behind the counter, william suddenly appeared with a scowl on his face and announced - that guy in toledo, who found that thing in his back yard, he disappeared! hold on, yancey replied tolerantly, what guy in toledo? i never heard about any guy in toledo. what did he do that was so important? he found a space ship in his back yard! how did he know it was a space ship? did it had a label on it marked space ship? there you go again, william said, trying to change the subject. what else would it be but a space ship? william walked over to the aisle containing potato chips and began intently examining the variously colored bags of chips. yancey did not say anything more about the space ship. the subject was apparently dropped. and that football game in russia where that girl got killed, what do you think about that? william asked. i didn’t hear about that, yancey answered. you should have , william said, it shows how messed up everything is. but nobody wants to learn, or take any responsibility. that could be, yancey agreed. the door opened and zorina came in. she did not usually come in at night. yancey nodded at her. you are up late, william said to zorina. did you hear about the guy in toledo. no, and he probably didn’t hear about me. i just came in to get a couple of white pills and a mountain dew. zorina went over to the cold drinks section and grabbed a can of mountain dew. she wished she had not come in, because now she would have to listen to william, and maybe have to chase him away if he followed her out of the store.

a preacher don't steal - 23. the depot

by nick nelson

part twenty-three of 32

mona came back the next night. she told yancey her story. mona was born in the army, during the last great war. this meant that she was a little older than yancey had thought. her father was a recruiting sergeant. he traveled all over the back roads of the empire, cajoling yokels into joining up to save civilization. her mother was a spy for the rebels. she had pulled the wool over the eyes of the innocent recruiting sergeant. when her deception was discovered, by the legendary iuderground operative of the empire known as perry khan, she was shot by a firing squad, and the recruiting sergeant was reduced to the rank of private and banished to a supply depot near the north pole. he took the chlld, mona, with him. mona grew up in the supply depot, buffeted by icy winds. depending on the shifts in the war, the depot was either very busy, or almost lifeless. mona’s father had one assistant, a curious little fellow known as vladmir. vladimir resembled a little dog, and had the face of a lizard. among vladimir’s meager possessions was an old deck of cards. he taught the chlld mona to play many games, including some he had invented himself. mona learned when to hold them, and when to fold them. when the war ended, mona’s father and vladmir were both demobolised. mona never saw vladimir again. mona and her father found themselves on the streets of memphis. one day mona’s father left her in a cafeteria while he went to see about a job in a sandwich packing plant. he never returned. mona stole a deck of cards from a general store that covered a whole city block of memphis, and began doing card tricks, and playing three card monte on the sidewalk with chumps and yokels and disbanded soldiers. eventually she was arrested and spent nine years in a reformatory. when she met yancey, she had been getting along by doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and telling sad stories. but she wanted to settle down.

a preacher don't steal - 22. mona

by nick nelson

part twenty-two of 32

oliver was a conscientious parole officer. he had held the job for many years, and had no thought of either leaving it or of advancing in the parole board hierarchy. he got yancey a job as night clerk in a small convenience store on the northern outskirts of memphis. the store was located about three kilometers from the general store where yancey had gotten the ride from kingfish. but yancey had no curiosity about either the store or kingfish, and never went near the store. the store had a number of regular customers who showed up almost every night. one of them was a girl named mona. nobody knew where she came from, but she seemed like a nice enough person. yancey had always kept the little toy lizard-monkey soldier he had purchased on that long ago fateful night. now he put it on the counter of the store during the hours he worked there. one night mona asked him about it. yancey told her the story of purchasing it . this led to hm yelling her the whole story of how he had come to spend eight years in prison. mona heard the story without comment. i have a story too, she told yancey, but it is getting late, the dawn is breaking , and i will tell it to you tomorrow night. after mona left, william came in. william was a somewhat creepy and pathetic person whom yancey was inclined to lend a sympathetic ear to . william had many stories, mostly about how mistreated he was, by his fellow humans, and by life in general. sometimes yancey and william talked about the universe, and about the meaning of life. william had read the books of al-garibldi, a prophet whose works had not been allowed in the prison, as they were considered inflammatory and not conducive to social harmony. william did not describe himself as a follower of al-garibaldi, but found his ideas interesting enough to recount them as a subject of conversation. al-garibaldi’s main teaching was that every wrong, no matter how small, that had ever been done, would have to be righted before the universe, and the creatures in it, could find peace. yancey expressed his approval of this sentiment. but on this particular night william was not disposed to speak of abstract matters, but began a long and involved story about how a woman had stepped on his foot on the trolley car from the south side, and how he, william, had let her know his displeasure and how the other passengers on the trolley had joined in and taken one side or the other. william had a great fund of such stories, which was one reason nobody liked him much.

a preacher don't steal - 21. oliver

by nick nelson

part twenty-one of 32

the blue car pulled up on yancey’s right. a harmless looking little man with a round head and face looked out at yancey from the front seat. “yancey clevenger?” “yes, sir.” “i’m oliver rogers, your parole officer.” “yes, sir.” “well, get in. i didn’t drive out here to look at the scenery.” yancey got in the car. what f he isn't really the parole officer, he thought. but what could he do, ask for i d? even if the man had some, it could be fake. the car started up, headed for the city. “i bet you are wondering if i really am your parole officer.” “um - no, sir. who else would you be?” “i could be anybody.” “would anybody want to rob me for my eight hundred dollars?” “ha, ha! of course they would. and for a lot less than that. come on, i know how you fellows think, after a long stretch in the ditch. “ “maybe eight hundred is more than i thought,” yancey said. “everybody told me it did not go far out in the world right now.” “ha, ha! and they told you right. look, i know you are yancey clevenger, you served eight years of a twenty year sentence for killing your mother. you took up with the teachings of reverend jake when you were inside. how would i know all that if i wasn’t who i say?” “i didn’t do it.” “you didn’t read the books of reverend jake?” “i didn’t kill my mother.” “you do not say so. i could not care less if you did or not, so we will drop the subject.” “all right.” “look at that scenery. pretty nice, eh?” the scenery was an endless gray tunnel wall, interspersed every hundred meters by scrawny, mostly leafless trees. “it is very nice, sir.” “i see you are easy to get along with. a lot of fellows say it is not that much different from the scenery on the inside.” “i’ll take it.” “a lot of fellows think the world outside these days is not that different from the inside.” “i am sure i will prefer it,” yancey said. they rode a few kilometers in silence. “what did you say your name was?” yancey asked. “oliver. oliver rogers.” “i thought oliver was your last name.” “everybody just calls me oliver. you can call me that, unless you insist on being super polite and you can call me mr rogers.” rogers! the detective who had handled yancey’s case and worked so hard to convict him, had been named bud rogers.

a preacher don't steal - 20. eight years later

by nick nelson

part twenty of 32

yancey was released from prison after serving eight years for the murder of yolanda carter. he knew what to expect. he received eight hundred dollars and a new suit of clothes and new shoes. the prison was thirty-seven kilometers from civilization. a bus ran to the city twice a day, with a one way fare of forty dollars. as he had no one to meet him at the gate, yancey could either pay the forty dollars or walk the thirty seven kilometers. during his eight years he had heard many stories about the bad things that could happen on the thirty seven kilometer walk, especially from desperadoes and con men and evil women who cruised the highway to pounce on the newly released convicts and divest them of their little bonuses by various brutal or smooth means. but he had also heard assurances that these tales were urban myths, that a) there were not enough convicts being released every day to make it worth anybody’s while to constantly roam the highway, and b) that the highway police did regularly cruise the road, making it one of the safest places in the empire, especially during daylight hours. yancey decided to walk. he had hoped that his assigned parole officer, mr oliver, would pick him up and introduce himself, but this did not work out. yancey had kept in shape during his incarceration, and was still young. he felt he night actually enjoy the long walk in the cool morning air. so he set out. yancey, like 28 percent of the inmates, had decided to become a preacher when he got out. he had read the books of the reverend jake and fund them instructive. the reverend jake had a fairly large following in the prison, though not as large as the reverend selim’s. the followers of jake and the followers of selim did not mix much. actually, none of the inmates had much contact with each other at all. there was not much conflict, or opportunity for conflict. only the works of preachers like jake and selim, who preached the ways of peace, were made available on the prison library shelves. yancey had not made up his mind as to whether to preached the gospel of jake, or to develop his own gospel. he was inclined to preach jake’s at first, then perhaps to strike out on his own if and when he got a handle on preaching at all. and of course, he needed a job. when yancey had been young and innocent and free, he had thought he wanted three things - a job, a girl, and a dog. now he would gladly settle for a job, and worry about the girl and the dog later. all these thoughts had, of course, occupied much of his waking hours in the prison. i am out now, he thought as he walked along, i should get some new thoughts. how he wished mr oliver, the parole officer, had picked him up! just as he thought this, he saw a car approaching. an ordinary looking car, it was painted a dull blue, and looked like a four seater. it slowed down, and the driver, who seemed to be alone in the car, looked at yancey as it passed him. yancey looked back after it had gone by. the blue car was making a u turn on the highway, and started back toward him. uh-oh!