ursula had been invited by her aunt amanda to spend the weekend at her estate on the tip of the island.
her cousin jonathan, whom ursula had not seen since they were children, and who was reputed to have made billions in mining on mars and the moons of jupiter, had also been invited, and ursula was looking forward to meeting him.
it was raining heavily when ursula arrived, and the wind was blowing off the sound. she paid the cab driver, and hurried indoors where aunt amanda was waiting for her.
“well, “ aunt amanda greeted ursula with her hearty booming laugh, “it does not look like we will get much tennis or boating in this weekend, , but at least i have some interesting guests for you to meet.”
“i am happy to hear that,” ursula smiled politely, as she shook some raindrops off her hat and coat.
“and i have put you in your old room on the top floor,” aunt amanda continued, “which you loved so much as a child.”
“i am so looking forward to seeing jonathon again,” ursula said. “as we have not seen each other since those long ago happy golden days of childhood.”
“yes, jonathon is here. well, then, you had better get yourself settled in and get down to the drawing room quickly, while he is still sober enough to speak coherently.”
but by the time ursula had gone up to her own room, changed into dry clothing, made herself presentable, and gone down to the drawng room, cousin jonathon had been taken up to his room, feeling “indisposed”.
amanda introduced ursula to some of the other guests, as, outside, the rain began to fall with increased fury, and the wind to howl.
to ursula’s astonishment the first three guests she was introduced to were the celebrated sir devilish keene, cardinal gogol, and miss chuff - all three famous amateur detectives who had solved a number of seemingly impossible crimes, most of them in just such surroundings as ursula now found herself.
after politely expressing her feelings of great honor at being introduced to such eminent beings, ursula drew amanda aside into the shadow of the drawing room’s enormous fireplace.
“good gracious, amanda,” ursula said in a low voice, “what are you thinking - inviting these carrion crows to your home for an entire weekend? do you not know that murder follows them wherever they go? and not one, not two, but three of them?”
“actually, there is a fourth,” amanda replied. “m francois flan, who has not appeared yet, as he is a notorious night person.”
“but do you not see that are tempting fate by inviting even one of them?” ursula persisted.
“not at all - quite the opposite. i have yet another distinguished guest, who is wandering around somewhere - probably lost - ah! here you are , professor! “
“I am here, indeed, agatha,” the newcomer, a portly gentleman in a maroon suit, and with a twinkle in his eye, replied. “where else would i be, eh?”
“professor, i would like you to meet my niece, ms ursula underwood. ursula, permit me to introduce the famous professor leonard molcroft-lawgiver, the world’s greatest mathematician and most renowned collector of assyrian death masks.”
“pleased, i am sure.” the professor fixed his twinkling gaze on ursula.
“ursula,” agatha continued, “was just expressing to me her concern that inviting all these famous detectives for the weekend was inviting a murder to happen, as they always seem to be on hand when one or more does. perhaps you can explain to her, as lucidly as you explained to me, why she should have no worries.”
“ha, ha! my dear young lady, not only should you have no worries, you should feel as safe as if you were ensconced in a steel diving bell fifty thousand feet below the surface of jupiter. because, you see, the probability that any one of these worthies will ever encounter another murder is , by my calculations, as small as that a black hole will suddenly emerge in eau claire wisconsin and swallow the galaxy we are having this discussion in. that a murder would occur in a locale where all four are present is, by my estimate, approximately ten to the 160th power to 1 - ten to the 160th power being a bit less than the number of atoms in the niverse.”
“yes,” the professor replied thoughtfully. “you might have a point there.”
“and besides,” said ursula, “i don’t care about diving bells on jupiter or black holes in wherever wisconsin, i just don’t want to get murdered.”
suddenly a scream echoed down the great spiral staircase from the guest rooms above.
“whatever can that be?” exclaimed aunt agatha. “morris, leave that drink on that table, whoever it may belong to, and see what that is about.”
“yes, madam.”
ursula, agatha, and the professor dod not have long to wait. morris returned in a matter of minutes.
“i am afraid we shall have to summon the police, madam. one of the guests has been murdered in his bed.”
“but the only guests who are in bed are jonathon and m flan - and he is a famous detective himself!”
“that is true, madam. and it is indeed m flan who is the injured party.”
“but - that can not be!” aunt agatha protested. “a world famous detective murdered!”
“i am afraid,” the professor announced gravely, “that something has gone very wrong with the universe.” and he took a pipe from his pocket and began carefully packing it.
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