Tuesday, December 22, 2015

the conversation

by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

rob and lois bradley were boring people, and they didn’t have any friends.

one morning lois was in the local bake shop buying some blueberry muffins when she overheard carol porter, a member of the school committee, laughingly refer to herself and rob as “ those ————“.

lois could not make the word out but she knew it was not complimentary.

from that moment her life assumed a new purpose.

she formed a plan, and that night she outlined it to rob.

her plan was for them to have an entry in the guinness book of world records.

that would show carol porter and all those other stuckup people who thought she and rob were so boring!

lois had the idea that she and rob would have the exact same conversation every night - word for word - for a record number of days.

5,000 days? 10,000? lois settled on 6,667 as a compromise - that would be a little over 18 years.

the conversation went like this:

it’s a lovely evening, isn’t it?

yes, but it will soon be over.

and tomorrow will be another day.

that is true.

it is strange, isn’t it, that one day is so much like another.

it might seem strange to some people.

you are right. others might find it not so strange. even comforting.

the city had not fixed the sidewalk yet.

no, they have not. what a worthless lot they are.

bureaucrats, that is all they are. with no imagination.

how people put up with it, year after year, is beyond me.

it seems that the population of dogs has been increasing, worldwide.


yes, it is now approximately one-tenth that of humans.

i would have thought it was much higher than that.

the figure has been verified by the most conscientious observers.

chimpanzees, on the other hand, have seen their numbers dwindle appallingly to where they are now an endangered species.

but baboons have, somewhat surprisingly, maintained their numbers quite well.

yes, the baboon is a resilient creature.

we should all be so resilient.

that is an interesting thought. but it does not seem that humans are as adaptable as they might be.

i agree.

rob and lois engaged in this conversation for the targeted 6,667 nights, and submitted the requisite paperwork to the guinness book of world records.

however, their application was declined, and they continued to live in obscurity.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015