three guys

by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

ted, joe, and stan were three guys. ted got a job in a pizza store, on a little street just beside the entrance to the interstate. he did not think he would keep the job for very long, but he ended up staying there for twenty-three years. ted felt that he had found something in the pizza place, though he did not know exactly what. every day he would look out the window and see joe, standing at the entrance to the interstate. not hitchhiking, just standing there. like he was waiting for something. around ten o’clock every morning, stan would run by. he was always dressed like an ordinary guy, just out running for exercise. but if you looked closer, he had a look in his eyes like he was running from something. what had ted found? what was joe waiting for? what was stan running from? maybe what ted had found, joe was waiting for, and stan was running from were all the same thing.

the conversation

by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

rob and lois bradley were boring people, and they didn’t have any friends. one morning lois was in the local bake shop buying some blueberry muffins when she overheard carol porter, a member of the school committee, laughingly refer to herself and rob as “ those ————“. lois could not make the word out but she knew it was not complimentary. from that moment her life assumed a new purpose. she formed a plan, and that night she outlined it to rob. her plan was for them to have an entry in the guinness book of world records. that would show carol porter and all those other stuckup people who thought she and rob were so boring! lois had the idea that she and rob would have the exact same conversation every night - word for word - for a record number of days. 5,000 days? 10,000? lois settled on 6,667 as a compromise - that would be a little over 18 years. the conversation went like this: it’s a lovely evening, isn’t it? yes, but it will soon be over. and tomorrow will be another day. that is true. it is strange, isn’t it, that one day is so much like another. it might seem strange to some people. you are right. others might find it not so strange. even comforting. the city had not fixed the sidewalk yet. no, they have not. what a worthless lot they are. bureaucrats, that is all they are. with no imagination. how people put up with it, year after year, is beyond me. it seems that the population of dogs has been increasing, worldwide. really? yes, it is now approximately one-tenth that of humans. i would have thought it was much higher than that. the figure has been verified by the most conscientious observers. chimpanzees, on the other hand, have seen their numbers dwindle appallingly to where they are now an endangered species. but baboons have, somewhat surprisingly, maintained their numbers quite well. yes, the baboon is a resilient creature. we should all be so resilient. that is an interesting thought. but it does not seem that humans are as adaptable as they might be. i agree. rob and lois engaged in this conversation for the targeted 6,667 nights, and submitted the requisite paperwork to the guinness book of world records. however, their application was declined, and they continued to live in obscurity.

go

by nick nelson

illustrations by roy dismas

the window

by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

the window was open. the dog ran down the street. standing at the window, ada watched the dog run down the street. eventually, she thought, the dog will come back up the street. and when he sees the open window, he might wish to jump into it. one never knows what a dog will do, especially one running wild in the street. hurriedly, she closed the window. ada turned to where her husband, bartley, had been sitting in his favorite chair, smoking his pipe and reading the newspaper. suddenly she realized her mistake. for bartley had been transformed into a hungry lion. ada attempted to open the window again so that she could jump out of it. but it was no use. bartley was upon her and quickly devoured her. later, the doorbell rang. who can that be? bartley wondered. as he had devoured ada, he had to answer the door himself. it was corliss, an old friend whom he had not seen for some time. corliss! this a surprise, bartley exclaimed. please come in. corliss entered, and began taking off his hat and coat. i’ll take those, bartley offered politely. thank you, corliss replied absently. corliss entered the neatly furnished drawing room and looked around. he gazed with a strange air of curiosity at the empty fireplace and at the closed window. ada not at home? corliss enquired when bartley returned from the cloak room. no, she stepped out. oh? it’s a bit late, isn’t it? yes, to visit her grandmother. her grandmother! exclaimed corliss. she must be quite an elderly lady. yes she is, bartley agreed. none of us are getting any younger, corliss observed. time is passing by. how true, bartley assented. corliss sat down on the green divan, the one reserved for guests. i am being a poor host, said bartley. can i get you a drink? thank you. a scotch and soda will do nicely. easy on the soda. coming right up. corliss relaxed on the divan. a bit stuffy in here, isn’t it? he stated, with just a touch of emphasis. i will open the window, bartley replied. bartley opened the window. the sounds of the night drifted in.