victor had been losing money betting on football and basketball games, so he decided to try to make a little extra money on the weekends.
his first preference was to make money as a hit man, or trained deadly assassin, but he was not sure as to how to advertise his services, or if anybody would want to retain his services, considering his lack of experience and expertise in such matters.
he had a friend named willie, who was a gambler like himself, and that he sometimes bet with, and willie seemed to know everything and everybody, so victor decided to seek his advice.
victor found willie at his usual place at the bar under the big screens at yancey’s sports cafe.
there was a women’s college softball game on the screen above his head, but willie was ignoring it and reading ring magazine. he finished the story he was reading when victor sat down beside him, and then he put the magazine down on top of his copies of the racing form, the gold sheet, and detective comics.
victor bought willie a beer and willie thanked him and asked victor what he could do for him.
after the bartender had moved back to the other end of the bar, victor explained his situation.
when victor got to the part about wanting to be a hit man, willie laughed so loudly that the other two customers in the place - an old man wearing a straw hat and a hipster with a man bun - looked up briefly.
willie made a show of wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “dude, don’t you know that 93.6 perceny of american boys and 72,7 percent of american girls grow up wanting to be professional hit persons or trained deadly assassins? “
“yes and the rest want to be serial killers and porn stars. i know that, but i thought maybe you could help me out.”
“no, man, i don’t think i can help you out.” willie put a serious expression on his face and looked off in the direction of the rest rooms. “but… maybe… i don’t know… tell me, did you have any particular type of job in mind?”
“i thought maybe i could kill some of the evil people that rule the world.”
willie smirked. “anybody particular in mind?”
“um - georrge soros maybe… hillary clinton… nancy pelosi — jay-z…”
willie shook his head. “bro, i don’t want to get personal or insult you or anything, but that is just pathetic. pathetic. a person of your age… don’t you realize that none of these people… none of these people you see on television or with their pictures in newspapers really exist? that that’s just what they want you to think. all these people are just holograms… projections on a screen…”.
willie spoke slowly, with a lot of pauses between words, and victor finally interrupted. “i thought maybe these people were all played with actors.”
“no, man, maybe back in the old days, with moses or abraham lincoln or jfk they did things that way, but this is the modern world and there’s technology and stuff.”
victor did not think it looked like willie could help him out. “well, maybe you could fuck up the technology or something, and sort of take these so-called people out that way.”
“ha,ha! it’s not as simple as that. but at least it shows your thinking, my man, and i guess that’s progress.”
“well, be that as it may, do you think you help me out? all i want is to make a few dollars, it does not have to be as a hit man. that was just a thought, you know?”
willie considered this. “i might be able to help you out. i’m not making any promises. let me tihnk. let me think…. i know a guy who might have something for you. maybe.”
“thank you. tonight? can i see this guy tonight.”
“no, i don’t think so. he’s got a store… a little deli over on 11th street. he wouldn’t be there himself this time of night. you can go over and see him in the morning. ask for mr green.”
“great, thank you very much. and tell him willie sent me?”
“no, no, no! tell him - parker schofield sent you - parker schofield. can you remember that?”
victor wondered if "parker schofield" was willie's real name, but did not ask. “let me make a note of it.” victor took his phone out of his pocket. “thanks again.”
“think nothing of it. always glad to help out. that’s what we are here on this earth for, to help each other out.” willie looked up at the screen. “the game starts in about ten minutes. the chiefs versus the redskins. want to put a bet down? chiefs are favored by five at home.”
“uh - i don’t think so,” victor mumbled. “not tonight. that’s why i’m looking to make a few dollars, because things haven’t been going my way.”
“come on, man. you still got to live your life. keep the juices flowing. i’ll take the chiefs at four and a half, what do you say? for a hundred.”
“uh - i don’t know.”
“what are you going to do, just sit and watch a game with nothing invested? that’s no way to live.”
“how about for fifty?”
“all right, but for the whole five points.”
victor sighed. all right.” he wondered if the day would ever come when he didn’t let people push him around and talk him into doing things he didn’t want to do.
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