…but after devising a plan of sorts for what to do with the rest of his life, barry managed to fall asleep.
it must not be supposed that barry had been completely oblivious to the world outside himself, or to the fact that there were people in it whose interests were different from his own.
in fact he was somewhat better informed than most people in america. he had never had a wife or children to distract him, and his jobs were straightforward ones not involving any kind of “office politics”. he actually watched the news most nights, not just the sports.
he knew that there was such a thing as global warming, such a thing as feminism, that same sex marriage had been a big deal, etc., though he had no opinions of his own on any of those things. he even knew the name of the vice-president of the united states, and the secretary of state, and the speaker of the house.
in considering the prospect of a new life, he knew he had several choices.
he took a pad of paper and wrote down a number of options. he decided he would write them each on a separate scrap of paper and put them in a hat and draw one out.
the options were:
1 - to be a street preacher
2 - to write children’s books
3 - to write a best seller with lots of sex in it
4 - to be an internet troll (right wing)
5 - to be an internet troll (politically correct)
6 - to be a volunteer in a soup kitchen
7 - to hold up gas stations and convenience stores
8 - to be a serial killer
9 - to be an obscene phone caller (a challenge in today’s world)
10 - to stalk women
11 - to track down and kill child molesters, kiddie porn merchants, and other evil people who had escaped justice
:
12 - to be a street poet and wandering minstrel
13 - to start a brand new religion
14 - to combine all the previous and existing religions into one
after writing down the choices on pieces of paper and folding them up, barry realized he did not have a hat to put them in. in some of his previous jobs he had had uniforms with caps but he had thrown them away or had to return them to the employers.
he had never worn a hat on his own in his life. the cap he wore on his job was too small.
had his father owned a hat? barry could not remember that he ever had.
in any case it was not worth searching the house for one.
he decided to order a hat from amazon.
when amazon asked if he wanted expedited shipping, he clicked “no”.
he would wait for regular delivery.
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