edward had studied hard for the examination, the results of which would determine the details of the rest of his life - and whether he would have a life. so he was determined to be on time for the examination and arrived half an hour early.
when he arrived at the administrative building where the examination was to take place, he entered it by the wide front door.
the lobby was deserted. except for one person in a uniform, seated at a desk and apparently occupied on a phone.
edward looked around. he was surprised to find that there were no other people, as he would have expected that others besides himself would wish to be early for so important an examination.
he also thought there would be signs giving directions to the room where the examination would be held, but he did not see any.
there was nothing else for it, so he approached the desk where the person was seated.
he walked up to the desk where the person was still listening on the phone held up tight to its ear.
the person began speaking, in a language edward did not understand and could not even recognize. being both well brought up and a naturally polite and considerate person, he backed off from the desk so as to be out of hearing range, even though he did not comprehend a word he was hearing.
the uniformed person continued talking, giving no indication of having seen or noticed edward at all.
edward checked the time on his phone. the minutes were moving along toward the start time of the examination! after all this, his intense study for the examination and the trouble he had taken to be well on time for it… the thought of actually being late for it was …was…
what if somehow he was not even in the right building! what if the examination was on the other side of the city, or in another city, or in another province of the empire! but he had gone over the directions again and again…
suddenly he realized that the person at the desk was talking to him. shouting at him, actually.
what are the fuck are you doing listening to my private conversation, asshole?
i am sorry, edward stammered, i did not mean to, and i - i don’t understand the language you were talking in , anyway.
bullshit! you aren’t a very good liar, my man. you were sucking up every word i said, like a baby elephant.
i - i really could not understand you, honest, edward pleaded. and i thought i was standing far enough away anyway.
oh? so , if you were standing that far away, how do you know what language was speaking in, you pathetic lying sack of shit?
i - i don’t know. edward was so frightened and confused he was almost shedding tears. i just - i just - i’m sorry - i’m so sorry. all i wanted was the chance to take the examination so that i could maybe ———just maybe have a chance to exist. ———— that’s all i know, honest.
the person at the desk was laughing, and making signs of “holding sides laughing.”
edward began sobbing, but made a great effort to control himself.
the desk person finally subsided with the “holding sides laughing” but had no sooner done so, than a loud voice split the air.
what is going on here? what are you doing, khan? why is this young man sobbing uncontrollably? have you been up to your tricks, harassing worthy citizens?
edward noticed, through his drying eyes, that the desk person’s phone had disappeared from view.
i don’t know, sir, why don’t you ask him?
no, i will not ask him, the newcomer asserted. i will believe my own eyes and ears, if you please.
edward thought the assertive newcomer - apparently the desk person’s boss - a curious looking individual. quite fat, but powerful looking, he wore a black mustache, a purple sash, and a red fez. edward had never seen such an outfit before except on television. but , edward had never seen much of anything except on television.
i will deal with you later, khan, the fat man told the desk person. he turned to edward.
what can i do for you, citizen?
edward haltingly explained that he had come for the examination, but that he was afraid he had come at the wrong time or to the wrong place, or both.
not a bit of it, the fat man told him. the examination is indeed being held here. you are the first person to show up, and may well be the last, as the examination has not had too many takers lately. be that as it may, come with me, and i will lead you to the examination room.
though somewhat bewildered by the man’s assertions, edward felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and his tears dried up completely.
as for you, the fat man addressed the desk person, i would advise you to pack your bags for a long trip.
i think i will call my union representative.
the fat man roared with laughter. yes, do that, khan, do that. ha, ha, ha!
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