on the following day barry was scheduled to work from seven o’clock to three o’clock in the afternoon.. he decided this would give him plenty of time to go to the library snd pick up a couple of books on world religion.
he could get a good night’s sleep and not be too tired to go to the library after he got off work. having eaten a plain pizza instead of one with anchovies or mortadella, he expected he would probably not have many dreams, even though he had had half a serving of buffalo fries.
but in this barry was mistaken. he would prove to be mistaken about a lot of things in the coming days and weeks.
he had no sooner fallen asleep than he found himself in a combination of his third grade classroom and a beach with pounding surf.
he was confronted by harmon killebrew and ernie banks, two familiar figures from his dreams.
harmon was wearing his old twins uniform and ernie was wearing his old cubs uniform. they both had baseball bats slung over their shoulders, and ernie was leaning on a tall stack of old books with black and brown leather covers that looked like bibles.
a salvation army band was playing in the background, but not making any sound.
“congratulations, bro, on your new life,” harmon greeted barry, “we know you are going to be just great at it and hit the ball out of the park.”
“that’s right, brother, “ ernie added. “and we brought you a little something to help you out.” he tapped the big pile of bible-looking books with his bat. “these will get you started. just read these, and then we will get you a fresh pile.”
“are those bibles?” barry asked hesitantly.
“they sure are,” said ernie. “bibles of every religion that ever was or ever will be. these are just scratching the surface in the dust, but they will do to get you started.”
“i thought i would go to the library tomorrow, and maybe get one or two books, kind of like an overview - “
‘like cliff notes,” said ernie.
“yeah, like cliff notes,.” barry laughed a little uncertainly.
“you don’t want to do that, bro,” said harmon. “that would be the lazy man’s way. you want to get into the cage, and hit and hit and hit until you get blisters on your hands.”
“he’s right,” ernie added. “he’s right. you listen to what the man says.”
as much as barry appreciated the advice and concern from two real old time ballplayers, from back in the day when ballplayers were ballplayers and not a bunch of candy ass crybaby millionaires who din’t really love the game, he was not sure if he could read all the bibles…
he wondered what kind of advice they would have given him if he had drawn the paper to be a serial killer or a stalker, or if they would have even showed up…
suddenly there was a great commotion on the beach and barry heard people shouting “tsunami! tsunsami!”
and the beach was filled with girls in one piece bathing suits who all looked like slightly different versions of annette funicello, shouting tsunami! tsunami!
and they turned into birds, big gray and white seagulls with flapping wings who filled the suddenly dark sky…
harmon and ernie were gone, and the wind was blowing the bibles all over the beach…
barry tried to grab the bibles but no sooner did he pick one up than he dropped another… he just could not grab hold of them…
a car came to a screeching stop in front of him in the wet sand.
get in! get in! a voice shouted.
barry thought it was harmon and ernie, but when he got in the car he saw it was really nat turner and general robert e lee.
nat turner was driving and robert e lee was in the back seat.
leave them, son, leave them, robert e lee shouted when barry tried to take the bibles into the car with him.
plenty more where those came from, just get in and close the door.
they were speeding down a dark highway…
barry kept expecting a road block up ahead but nat turner kept his foot on the gas…
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